Mike and I have been talking about getting beach cruisers for this summer but I was hesitant since I have not ridden a bike since elementary school. We have been looking around the past couple of days for him and found a nice bike at Rays Bike Shop by Longs and Albertsons. Mike wanted to check out Play It Again Sports once more to see if any new ones had come in. We found a really cute white and pink one for $149. Our friend Cody works there and I decided that with the discount and MIke owing me $52, I could afford the bike. So I got one and then we went back to Rays and Mike bought his "evil kneivel" bike which is white and has red on it along with some stars. After purchasing them we went crusing to the Kimball Park and we had a lot of fun! I'm actually really happy we got them. Hopefully I will be getting a good work out for my legs and can lose some weight (for some reason I have these weird cravings all the time for sweets!!). We also went to the gym yesterday morning and my arms and upper thighs are killing me! We are going again tomorrow morning since we both don't have work all day. Oh! I am also getting tanner since we have volunteered at the Foster Family Picnic and from riding the bikes. YAY!

So summer is here and I totally thought this would be a horrible summer since all my friends are gone and I'm stuck in Ventura alone. But I was wrong. I have met a guy, well rather re-met. Mike and I almost dated a year and a half ago but I wasn't ready for a relationship and he decided to be with another girl. Yeah it broke my heart but what could I do? We talked on and off for a while and then out of no where he told me she broke up with him! I really didn't think much of it until I realized his prom was 3 days later. He said he wanted to go but had no one to go with. I didn't want to offer to go and have him turn me down or go with me but not really want to. But I offered anyway and he said yes. I later on found out he thoguht I was going with him out of pity and was worried I didn't really want to go. LOL! So we went and had a great night! We went out to dinner on State Street in Santa Barbara and then dance the night away. After the dance we talked for hours in my car. The connection we had was back and I really fell for him. I was just afraid he didn't see me like that, I mean he turned me down once and I didn't want it to happen again. But I was wrong again. He liked me and he was afraid I didn't like him. We needed to commuicate better apparently. Well, we have hung out every single day since prom night, which makes it about 3 or 4 weeks together, and we are not sick of each other. We are not officially together yet but we are seeing each other. A little birdie told me he plans to ask me out on the 16th and do something special. I'm not going to get my hopes up but I'm sure looking forward to it, especially since he told me to take that day off of work! :) I'm so excited!

So again I am getting depressed. I don't know what it is. My moods are going up and down uncontrolably. Brian and I hung out tonight, the first time since Colorado, that might have done it to me. I just want to be with him but I know it's all wrong. I just don't know why I still have these feelings for him. I really wish they would go away. I've tried everything. I have tried ignoring him, I tried being with a guy emotionally, and I've tried being a guy just physically. It just isn't doing it for me. I wanted to kiss him so badly tonight and I held off as long as I could. I know he doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore, but I can't stop my feelings towards him. And I can't stop thinking about him and Emily together. Why can he be with her and not with me? He told me he doesn't want an attachment but he wouldn't be with her if she was with other guys. But she is with other guys, and I told him that, but he just told me I was being a jealous ex. It's sad to think I don't mean that much to him anymore. He even told me that he wasn't ever really attached in the relationship. 7 months, I was living a lie. He never wanted to be with me. I don't get it. And I really need someone to talk to but I can't find anyone. I wanted to talk to Brian but he isn't answering his phone and neither is Jared. I don't want to call JR because I want everything to stop between us. And I just want to be happy. And I want to find someone who wants to be with me, and that I want to be with. I am just so depressed. I'm crying even as I type this. This is so hard to handle by myself

So I just got back from Colorado and I told myself that I was not going to talk to Brian, and that he was going to be the one to call me. I broke my promise to myself and called him. My excuse for the call was so that he could come and get his boot dryer device that I had of his. But I know why I called him, I wanted to see him. I know that he isn't good for me and that my family doesn't like him, but I like him. I know what he's like when he's up, and I don't mind him so much when he's down. I love the attention he gives me and how he takes care of me when I am sick; I like how we love going to thrift stores and the outlets; I like laying in bed with him watching Family Guy and his guy shows; I like going out to Taco Bell with him; I love that I can trust him with my feelings. But when I look over this list, I realize I can find a guy who likes doing these things too; actually, I know a few guys that do do these things. I think I just have to realize why Brian is wrong for me and I have to be strong enough to be single. Right now I need someone, or at least I think I do, but I have to be strong and independent, before I start another relationship. I just don't know how I am going to do that.

Brian's Negatives:
1. He curses a lot
2. My family doesn't like him
3. My friends don't like him
4. He is moody
5. He is dating again
6. He picks his nose ALL the time
7. He picks on me and I don't find them funny, in fact, it puts me in a bad mood
8. He didn't buy my anything for Valentines Day
9. His Christmas gift wasn't thoughtful
10. He never comes to spend the night at my dorm
11. I always had to go see him, he never came to see me unless he was at school
12. He embarasses me
13. He didn't dress nice when he should have
14. He doesn't like kissing me in public but sees nothing wrong in spanking me or grabbing my boob in public
15. He doesn't shower as much as he should
16. He doesn't love me for me

So honestly, I hate being home. I hate living and being near my dad. These next 5 weeks are seriously going to hurt me; I think I might explode and have a massive meltdown. My dad is alrerady bugging me and I just want to tell him to stay out of my life. Ugh! I have not hated anyone as much as I hate him. He is so stupid and he treats everyone in my family horribly, especially my mom. But she just ignores it. Not me though, I have decided to stick up for myself and my family. I will not hide my feelings and thoughts towards my dad when he says something. The only time I do hide my feelings though is when my mom asks me what is wrong when I am in a bad mood. I tried telling her once how I felt about my dad and then I got yelled at and then she told him and he yelled at me. So I now keep my feelings about him to myself, but it does not stop me from making comments to him.
When I come home, he always hugs me and gives me a kiss on my head; it's disgusting, just like him. I never fully return the hug nor do I ever give him a kiss back. He does not deserve it, nor does he deserve this family. I want him to just leave.

I can't believe I am finally using LiveJournal again but somethings are just better not said on MySpace! :) So Brian and I broke up. It seemed to me that we would get back together and that he just needed to get back on his feet. Well after 3 weeks of fooling around it finally all came crashing and burning last night. Well actually this morning. See I told Brian there wouldn't be any sex unless we were together (part of my brilliant plan to get him back together with me), but I kinda broke that rule last night (it was so hard! We've had sex so many times before that it's weird saying no). Anyways, I was really happy. I feel asleep happy, I woke up happy and then of course, I open my mouth to ask him a question. I asked him why we couldn't be together and I explained how it could all work out and he just flat out told me we were never getting back together; that he just wanted to be single. Well how about you just break my heart some more? What happened to our plans of going ot Club Med in Colorado? What happened to still being good friends and being there for each other? He led me on, I held tight to my plan, I gave in, and I got hurt. I knew it would happen, I just didn't want to believe it. How could someone I love so much, hurt me like this and not even care? After everything he went to the bathroom, I made his bed we slept in last night, and when he came back he tried to give me a hug, to make me feel like everything would be okay. Well, that worked in the past, but in the past we were together happily. I am no longer happy. I have deleted all of his pictures in my phone and his phone number so even if I do get the urge to call him, I can't. I need to stop letting myself get hurt. It's the only way...

Vanessa

So usually my subject headings aren't that bad but school is just not going well. Biostats is so slow. The teacher seems like he is trying too hard and instead of doing 2.1 and 2.12 for homework, I did 2.1 through 2.12 and it took me 4 hours when it would have only taken me about 10 minutes. I think I am just going to flirt with the TA to get a good grade. (No Kevin, I am not going to sleep with him) Spanish 2 is not as bad as I thought. Ronnie, Lindsay, Victoria, and Jason make it so much fun. Ronnie tried looking up Victoria's skirt with my mirror as a joke and the expression on her face when she realized what he was doing was so hilarious! And I love when Jason says my name as Banessa...he makes it sound so sexy. Poli. Science is so boring! I actually brought crayons today so I could color and keep busy. I am just not interested in politics but I need this class to graduate. *sigh* At least Jay is in my class. English sucks already. Last semester was so much better. My teacher already hates me and half his class. Here's the story behind that: My teacher quit because she didn't like the grading policy so there were 4 classes that needed to be filled. I went to Mayberry as well as some people from my class and from another English class because they didn't like their teacher. Because so many students switched into his class, some of his former students couldn't get in. So he bluntly told the new students to his class, he wanted them to find another class and he would help them. Well too bad for him all of us who got in his class are staying in his class and not leaving just so his other students, who registered late, could come in. So he hates us for taking up the spots of his last students and I feel this is going to effect my grade in the class. Dev. Psychology was so fun yesterday. The teacher is so kicked back and she gave us her notes, told us where to find the answers for her tests, and she seems so awesome. I love that class!
Today I woke up early to get to Poli. Science at 10. I got to class early so I could get a seat because it was filled up last time and some people had to stand. I sat there and I realized some of the other students had a different book than me. I asked a girl that I knew if this was Poli. Science and she said no. I felt like a loser! I went to the right classroom but I was there an hour and a half early! *sigh* So I have nothing to do until class starts. Which is why I am actually updating my livejournal, and because Ronnie wanted me to.
I am getting my hair done today for all of you who care. I am getting it cut shoulder length and I am adding like 12 little highlights. Not much but I never get my hair done professionally like this. I can't wait. Only and hour until class...

So last night was tight! Krystine and I got ready at my house and we looked so cute! Krystine even did my hair and make-up. Yeah, I wore make-up...it's like a first for me. I was so excited when she was done! I couldn't stop looking at myself in the mirror. After a while Steve finally came and we headed to Oxnard for a party. It was Steve's old roommate's party. It wasn't a bad party but I didn't know anyone so I felt kinda out of it. But then we went to Uriah's party and I had a blast! Not to mention, I was drunk and everyone else was like buzzed. LOL! What can I say? I'm a light weight. Oh, my first kiss for 2005 is Krystine! Yeah! I love you girl! LOL! Oh my gosh, so after we rang in the year, we all went walking on the beach, and when we were walking back, I was so shocked in how far we walked. I thought we went just straight to the water...I was so outta it. On the way to Chad's house I passed out! I mean like I was dead to the world. Once at Chad's I tried to fall asleep. I later learned that was a bad idea. Yeah, I woke up to Chad's butt in my face. *sigh* If he wasn't drunk and stoned I would've kicked his butt! Well, I would have tried, I was still kinda drunk. Today was so blah! Although I learned something new. I learned that the best thing for a hangover is M&M's, as opposed to Advil or Tylenol. Cool, huh! My mom told me that after I got home. But yeah, today was boring, not that I wanted to do much. Well, I am going to go to bed! Nightie-night!

So Christmas rocked! I got gift certificates to the mall, Robinsons May, and Charolette Rouse. I also got some clothes, two pairs of Uggs (tan and pink), a hair straightener, earrings, some candy in my stocking along with stuff for bubble baths, two cute pairs of socks, and some other fun things.
Oh my gosh, so Kristine and I went to Magic Mountain on Monday and their was like no one there at all! I mean we stood in line for like 10 minutes at most. Although X took an hour but it was well worth it. Scared the crap outta Kristine and me. It was a good day to say the least, although the drive home was a bitch. It took so long and it started raining really hard. Not fun at all.
So last night Robbie called me, which was a surprise since we haven't talked since high school, and he asked me if I was in to any guys. And when I really thought about it, I realized I wasn't into any guys. It was weird. I told him no and then he asked if there were any guys I wanted to mess around with (yes, Robbie is blunt with his questions), and again I had to say no. So what the heck is wrong with me? I mean, I am crazy about boys as you all know, but for some reason I am just not into boys that much right now. And no, I'm not saying I am into girls for you with dirty minds! It is just so weird for me to be be crushing on a guy. I think Jared ruined it for me, which may not be such a bad thing. I mean, guys have always been a main thing in my life, and maybe without them, I will grow into a better person and learn to be more independent. My mom tells me that the only thing that will bring me down in life are boys, and maybe I'm learning I can do better in life without them. (I'm not talking about not having boys as friends; I have too many guy friends) I know that I when I was talking to Marcos, I said that I was ready to start dating again because I was finally over Jon and I could be with a guy and continue with my life. But, I think I am seeing that maybe it's not so bad being single. I am learning a lot about myself and others. So I dunno, I haven't completely given up the thought of dating a guy but I know that I can be happy without a boyfriend, which is something I needed to learn.

OMG! I seriously miss everyone! I want school to start and everything to be back to how it was. I hate being with my family for this long. My mom gets so mad easily and I hate being around her. My dad just goes along with whatever my mom says so he won't get in trouble or yelled at. My brother is the only one I get along with right now. Except he is on the computer way too much! Ugh. I so want school to start again. I want to be with my friends just chillin'. I am trying so hard to keep myself occupied here but there is only so much a person can do in Ventura, especially since the mall is packed along with every other store. *sigh* Oh my gosh I can't wait until the 24th. From the 24th to the 27th, I will be kept very busy. On the 24th I am going to my grandparent's house in Palos Verdes and then eating dinner and having an ornament exchange with my neighbors and their friends. On the 25th I get to open my presents at home and then go up to Santa Barbara to visit my other grandparents and open more presents there. Afterwards, my family is eating dinner with our next door neighbors. The 26th I get to drive over to Cookie's house and spend the night there. (Cookie I can't wait to see you!) The next morning, the 27th, we are going to Magic Mountain! It is going to be my big trip of Winter Break. The only problem is, I still have like 3 days until everything starts happening. That's 3 long days of dealing with my family. Ugh! How will I ever survive? I wonder what I am doing for New Year's Eve...probably something dumb like always. My mom never lets me spend New Year's Eve with my friends, I have to stay with my family. So dumb...I'm glad she treats me like I'm freakin' 12 or something. Seriously pisses me off. Ugh...I'm just going to end my journal on a bad note.

So it's day 1 of Winter Break and I am bored! I'm not bored out of my mind yet, but I will be getting there soon enough. I am trying to plan out stuff I can do to make my Winter Break more fun. This week I am shopping and getting ready for Christmas (which won't come fast enough), then Cookie and I are going to go to Magic Mountain on the 27th, and I am spending the night at her house on the 26th, so that takes care of that whole weekend, then come's New Years Eve and day, which I might be forced to work since there are always those smart people out there who don't consider others when planning their party date, and then I figured I will go to a gym and do some yoga or pilates. I got a 14 days free trial card and I will be using it to my advantage. Yup, once Winter Break is over with I will be more flexible and in shape. Oh boy! He he! Just what I always wanted to be! I just miss everyone so much! I dunno about Jared though, we left on a weird note...oh well! It will be over with once I see him again. (I won't be giving in to your bet any time soon Evo! Silly boy!) Although it was hard for me to make this list, I found some good things about Winter Break.
1. I get to sleep in
2. Presents for Christmas
3. Christmas itself
4. Eating the good food my grandma makes on Christmas Eve
5. Opening presents (which is not the same as #2 because unwrapping a present is so much better than getting it unwrapped)
6. Not having to worry about homework and knowing that finals are over, and that I don't have to see Mr. Barajas again for History! *probably the most important*
7. I get to hang out with Kristine (aka Cookie) without the boys and we get to have fun girl time. Although I wish she lived closer because I miss her too much and I would hang out with her all the time if she lived closer.
8. I don't get to see Jared which means I don't get my heart broken. Wow, I have time for my heart to finish mending. Feels good!
Well, that's about all I can think of. Kinda short. I'd make a list of bad things, but it would go on forever and ever. I just want school to start again and for me to see all my friends again. Can't wait. Gosh, Winter Break fusillades me with boredom! LOL! I love you Cookie!

So I had so much fun on Friday! The college crew celebrated Evo's and Kevin's birthday with a little alcohol and it was great! Check out the pics: http://homepage.mac.com/evoknievel/PhotoAlbum17.html That's Evo's picture website/slideshow. Yeah I was so drunk the whole night. The thing was, I thought I was sober or just a little buzzed, so I kept drinking more and more, yeah I was so outta it! LOL! I did a few thing I regret, like flirting with John (I'm so sorry Jared!) and freak dancing with like all the guys there (again, I'm so sorry Jared!). But I got mine in the end...to make a long story short, Jaimie spent the night and I am still feeling sick from the party! Stupid alcohol! Pff! Oh well, it was a fun night, even though I don't remember all of it. I guess at one part of the night I tried to lean against the wall but there was no wall there so I tried to catch myself on Evo's door but his door wasn't shut so I ended up falling on my ass. And from the pictures I saw of that, I was laughing the whole time and I guess Evo ended up picking me up and taking me away. Yeah, I don't remember that at all but that's just what I heard happened. Oh yeah, and the boys started writing on my tummy and lower back, with permanent marker! And believe it or not, I still have it on me! It won't come off! I have tried everything! Stupid marker! Like I said, in the end I got really sick. Like so sick that I still feel it today! Oh wait, I already said that. Oh well, lol! I also found out going to work and jumping around while you are sick is just not a good mix! My poor tummy hates me! I seriously have not felt good enough to eat anything. The last time I ate, was before the party. I don't know what it is but I am just not feeling well enough to eat. And I have no energy right now because of it. That is also part of the reason I am missing History today, and also to catch up on homework. Stupid finals are already here! Ugh! I need my sleep! Lets hope I feel better soon!

So I went to the beach with Michael on Sunday and we had a little conflict, to say the least. Like always I exploded and blew things out of proportion but Michael stayed calm and put up with me and my emotions. After wanting to drop Michael off at his house, I took him to Starbucks because he wanted a coffee and after getting a hot chocolate, we sat in the Vons parking lot and Michael listened to me talk for about an hour. Yeah, I spilled my guts out and told him everything that was going wrong in my life. And Michael just sat and listened and gave me his two sense when I needed it. So much stress is lifted and I feel so much better! Michael, what can I say but thank you so much! Oh my gosh, you are the best! What would I do without you? I'm sorry about the whole beach thing, I definitely over-reacted. Today just feels like it is going to be a good day. I am excited! Yup yup. Oh my gosh, so yesterday morning I woke up to about 6 pumpkins smashed on my drive way! Yuck! But it wasn't hard to figure out who it was...considering Jon told me that he and Travis were going pumpkin smashing! That was a toughy! Gosh, i can't believe how windy it is today. And I wore my hair down and didn't bring anything to put it up in. I bet by the end of the day I am going to look like I just woke up or something. Baa humbug! He-he! That is such a funny saying. Well any ways, I need to get going and get to class. Toodles!

So last night I was laying in bed, listening to the new Green Day cd Jared burned for me and guess who calls...Michael. So he didn't forget about me; he was at dinner with his family and it was taking longer than he expected. So I had to get my lazy butt out of bed and get ready to go out with him. I decided that I didn't care what I looked like so I wore some warm up pants, a long sleeve shirt, a sweat shirt, and my uggs. I also did nothing with my hair besides brushing it. Yeah, I looked like I just woke up. LOL! But Michael said he didn't care so I wasn't too worried about it. We ended up going to MY beach and playing on the sand and at the play ground. Usually when we go to the beach it is really dark outside, but last night there was a full moon so it was pretty bright outside. After playing on the swings we were about to leave the park when I found this weird looking play toy. It was like a tall pole with a plastic ball on top with a round platform near the bottom. So I stepped on to the round platform, held on to the ball and Micheal spun me around and around. Oh my gosh! I got so incredibly dizzy! I thought I was going to fall off! And Michael wouldn't stop spinning me, so when he went on, I spun him really fast and he ended up falling off! That's what you get Michael! Muah ha ha! After the park we drove to the Cross and looked at beautiful Ventura. It was so relaxing just sitting there and talking to Michael. Then we drove over to Michael's beach but it was too late to park and a cop was patrolling the area so we drove home. Actually, Michael ended up driving most of the way.
Today, my grandparents and Jay are coming over for dinner. Which meant that my family and I spent the whole morning cooking and cleaning the house. Not too much fun but hey, it's not like I have anything else to do. I am so tired. I wish I knew why. It might be because the other night I came home at 3:30 in the morning and I woke up at 8 for class. But I took a nap yesterday and I got like 9 1/2 hours of sleep last night...I dunno. Meh! I'm not going out tonight so I am planning on going to bed early tonight. I hope this weekend goes by fast. I'm just curious what is going to become of Jared and Mishi. *sigh* Yeah, I need to get over Jared. But what else is new? At least Michael is keeping me occupied and helping me get over him.

So last night I attacked Jared and he some how managed to react in such a way that he and I fell off the bed and landed hard on the floor. He, luckily, caught himself and landed, where as I fell on my back and not only landed on my hip bone, but also on Jared's X-Box controller. Needless to say, I have the biggest, blackest bruise on my hip bone. And this isn't a standard bed I fell from, it's one at CSUCI and it is like 3 feet high and I was on top of Jared so that adds another foot. So I fell 4 feet! Oh, it hurt so much! I wanted to cry. Instead, I yelled at Jared as he tended to me. Yeah, last night went from fun, to depressing, to anger, to physical hurting, to yelling, to talking things out, and then to me falling asleep. I tried so hard not to fall asleep because we were having a heart-to-heart conversation but my eye lids wouldn't stay open any longer. Then I saw him and Jaimie this morning before they went to class...it was a little awkward to say the least.
Tonight Michael and I were suppose to go out but he forgot and went out to dinner somewhere. I called him and he said he would call me back by 8, considering it is about 8:30 right now, I think he forgot or is too busy. So what have I been doing in my spare time? Taking fun on-line quizzes. (I had nothing better to do) Here are some fun quizzes I took:

What kind of pinup are you? http://www.yournewromance.com/pinupquiz.html
Me: Girl Next Door

What kind of bra are you? http://www.yournewromance.com/braquiz.html
Me: Flashy Bra

What scent are you? http://www.yournewromance.com/scentquiz.html
Me: J.Lo

What kind of PJ’s are you? http://www.yournewromance.com/pjsquiz.html
Me: Sexy PJ’s

What kind of bikini are you? http://www.yournewromance.com/bikiniquiz.html Me: Brazilian Bikini

Whats your dream engagement ring? http://www.yournewromance.com/engagementringquiz.html
Me: heart shaped

What candy conversation heart are you? http://www.yournewromance.com/candyheartquiz.html
Me: Hot Stuff

They are short, simple, and have fun questions...my favorite type of quiz! Well, I am deciding to lay in bed and listen to the new Green Day cd that Jared burned for me. *sigh*

Last night was Casino Night at CSUCI and it was so much fun! I went with Jared, Evo, Chad, Jay, Steve, Kevin and two other girls. Oh my gosh, seeing the boys dressed up was so awesome! They clean up so well! I was shocked! LOL! J/K! (Jared I think of you every time I say J/K!) Later on Corey and Amber showed up. Anyways, one of the girls we went with is named Christine and she and I got along right from the start. We made fun of our gambling skills, or rather lack of. So when we got there, we started munching on the yummy food and oh my gosh, it forever for them to get a knife for the cake! Christine and I were dying for a piece of cake. And when we finally got a piece, it tasted so gross! Blah! Too dry! Other than the cake, the night went really well. I gambled mostly at the black jack table btu I spent some time wondering around and saying hi to everyone. I never realized how nice some guys cleaned up. I was like "wow! I know that hottie!" LOL! I saw Scott there (I met him at the Halloween Bash) and we talked for a while off and on. I caught him staring at me a few times and I felt a little awkward. So I went and stood by the boys and watched them gamble. They did so well! They got like over $4000! I had $600 at the end of the night. Not too bad. The best part of the whole night was dressing up. I finally got to wear the red dress I got at Ross. I think it's funny that I bought it, and yet Kristyn and Yazmine both wore it before me. Grr... But I felt so pretty last night, I was surprised because usually I feel ugly compared to most of the girls at my school. Wow, I am feeling a little vain here.
Today, I thought I had work at 9:45, but it turns out it was at 9:15! Eek! Luckily, my boss wasn't mad. He just thought something had happened to me because I am always early. So I want a new job. I was thinking on applying for a job at the new tanning salon but I wouldn't be making as much as I am at Pump It Up. *sign* But it would give me time to do some homework. I guess I'll just have to see how much they'll pay and how much I will be able to work. Well, I need to get ready. I am going out to dinner with my family. Toodles!

I don't know why but for some reason I got ready so fast and I have nothing to do! I have done everything I need to for today. *sigh* Yesterday was such a blah day. I had breakfast at Eggs n' Things by myself, which wasn't so bad because I read a chapter in my Understanding Human Sexual Behavior book. When I went to Human Sexual Behavior class, I was so not wanting to sit through a boring lecture and just take notes for over an hour. So Drew came to class and mentioned going to the beach. I was stoked so we got what we needed to go surfing and skim boarding, and when we got to the beach, it was high tide. And I don't just mean high tide, it was like SUPER high tide. We couldn't even skim board. *sigh again* So we went back to school and I brought Evo his 4 cartons of Cran-Cherry juice and we watched some show on MTV where a guy dates three moms, picks what mom he likes the best, and then he dates her daughter. It was silly but whatever. Then Jared woke up and I hung out with him for the rest of the day. I actually missed Ceramics (not good!) and we just talked about what was going on with us and Mishi and Michael. I'm hoping the drama is ending...it feels like it is. At 7 p.m. I dragged Jared into going to a lecture/presentation. I got extra credit for History so it was worth it to me, even though it was boring as hell! Jared and I just called people in the lecture to see if their cell would ring out loud and we texted people. Matt called me during the lecture...I got a little embarrassed but it gave me an excuse to get up and leave for a while. Later on that night Jared and I went to the jacuzzi and talked with a few people. Then we were hungry so we went to In N Out for some burgers. I was so hungry that I couldn't finish my meal. I was sad! *triple sigh* Then Jared and I just hung out the rest of the night. We were suppose to have a movie night, again, and it got postponed...again. I don't think we will ever end up watching a movie! LOL! I hope Michael or Matt call me today, I want to do something for the next few nights because Mishi is visiting Jared and I don't want to be there watching them make out. *blah!*

So I am just sitting here waiting for 20 pictures of phrenology to print. Yeah, I think my printer is going to die. But it's worth it because my history teacher is a prick and will hopefully give me some extra points for having handouts to go along with my presentation. I will be so happy when history is over! Although next semester is not going to be easy. I plan on having Bio Statistics, Political Science, Spanish, and 2 or 3 other classes. I think I am going to have an early death caused by stress from school and drama with boys (actually just Jared). Sounds like a plan...
This weekend was so much fun! Friday I didn't have to work so I went to the Buena vs. Ventura football game with Kaitlyn. It was so much fun! I saw so many people that graduated with me, it was so awesome! I also saw a lot of people from work and all but one (Cody) was sweet. Silly Cody needs to work on his girl skills. Then lets see, oh yeah, Michael showed up at the end of the fourth quarter and then Kaitlyn, Michael, and I went to go see the play "A Nightmare Before Christmas". Oh my gosh, I never saw the movie but the play was so good! I loved it so much! Except for the part with the explosion, yeah, I kind of got scared. But we won't talk about that. And we also won't talk about the fact I tripped on the sidewalk while walking to the car and how I ended up falling on the ground. Stupid curb! It just jumped out at me, I couldn't help it! Saturday I went to the mall with my mommy and tried on these wild dresses. One was bright orange, and another was silver and had this weird design on it. Oh my gosh, Michael would kill me if I wore a dress like that to Backwards! Maybe I should get one and not tell him...that would be funny to see the look on his face. But we decided to try and find a hot pink dress for Backwards; I'll have to see what I can do because I haven't seen a lot of hot pink dresses around. After shopping, I went to work from 5 to 8:15. I thought the day would never end! Sam and I were dying! Stupid kids! When I came home, I crashed on my mommy's bed and watched some animal show with her. Then I went to bed around 9:30 and fell asleep. I was in such a deep sleep I didn't hear my phone beep when I got two text messages. Sunday I worked from 9:45 to 2:30 and then I went to the CSUCI library to work on my project with Mike. He was pretty much done with his project so he kind of helped me with mine...he actually kept telling me to work when I would get side-tracked. Then my mommy and I went to the Pacific View mall and we went shopping in Robinsons May. I got a cute baby blue sweater (which I am going to get a Christmas), a hot pink top, and a pair of pink velvet pants. They are so cute and so comfortable! Later on I went out to Starbucks with Michael and we met the coolest gay guy! Oh my gosh, he was awesome. Then I took him to my beach (it's not your beach Michael! lol!) and we drank our coffees and talked about stuff. It was so chilly! Brr...I just about froze even with the drink and Michael keeping me warm. It was a nice night. Oh! I almost forgot! Michael played his guitar for me! It was so sweet! And he even sang...yup, I melted on the spot! LOL! Well, I need to get all dolled up for my presentation today! Toodles!

So for all those who do not know my "love" dilemma, let me give you the short story...so I like a guy named Jared. He is really nice, funny, just about everything I want in a boyfriend, but there is one big problem...he does not want any attachments right now. The thing that gets me is, he likes two other girls, Jaimie and Mishi. So he hangs out with them and what-not, but what hurts me so much is that when we are hanging out, he is texting one of them all the time or talking on-line with Mishi and ignoring me. And I know I should not be jealous because as he says "there is no attachment" but he knows that I like him a lot and yet he still does all of these things. When I went out on a date with Michael, I felt so bad just texting a person. I mean I know Jared and I don't have an attachment but why do something when you know it's going to hurt me? I mean come on, you have to feel somewhat guilty or bad. And he says that he doesn't like hurting me...that is such bull sh*t because he does it just about everyday. Ugh! It makes me so mad, but I think I am more mad at myself because I just can't let go of him. I started hanging out with him and being with him because I liked and I wanted to see if there was something between us, you know? And, ugh, I am just so mad at myself for letting myself be used and not listening to other people when they said to stay away from him. When I saw him and Jaimie together, everyone told me he liked her and that he was an ass hole for leading me on like that. And what did I do? I ignored them and forgave him. Jared has a way of turning everything around and making me feel like I am the bad guy in everything. Why hadn't it clicked earlier to me that he is just a jerk that is playing with my emotions? I mean everyone saw it, they warned me, and yet I went with my heart and not my brain. Stupid me! And now I think I am just going on dates with Michael to get over Jared or find a substitute "crush". I dunno, all I know is that my emotions are everywhere and my stress level is so high right now. I think I am going to explode!

So life for me has been some what interesting. Jared and I are the same as always (I am weak Evo, I know) but it's not like I am just waiting around for Jared, I have gone out on two dates with this guy named Michael. The first date we went to see Shark Tale and on Sunday we went out for ice cream at Cold Stones. He is such a nice guy, I am just hoping the age difference won't create a problem, or the fact that I use to like one of his good friends. Any ways, getting ice cream was fun. We talked for so long! And we talked about everything. Sadly enough I embarrassed myself but I don't want to talk about it because it is way embarrassing, but Michael said it would stay between us...lets see how long that lasts! Oh, and he asked me to go to the next dance with him. I think it's Backwards so I will have to go dress shopping. I love getting ready for dances! I never get dressed up so it's fun for me to actually wear make-up and get my hair looking all pretty. I can't wait! :) School is giving me so much stress! 50% of my grade in History will be found out this week. I had the hardest test ever yesterday that was 25% of my grade and my presentation next week is also 25% of my grade. *sign* I can't wait for History to be over! What sucks is that for my major, I have to get a C or better in a class to pass, while everyone else has to get a D or better. Grr... Oh, I celebrated Jay's birthday yesterday with the boys. Amber and I got him a yellow Moshi pillow in the shape of a star. He calls it his titty pillow because the points remind him of boobs. LOL! I haven't seen boobs like that before but oh well! The boys are getting him Halo 2, which I think is awesome because he was wanting that since he heard about it. Well, I got tons and tons of homework! Ta ta for now!